I am a JW and I can tell you that, under most circumstances, we take the initative and approach our superiors, identifying ourselves as Jehovah's Witnesses. We usually take that oppurtunity to explain that, while we respect other's rights to observe birthdays and holidays, we kindly ask that we be excluded from such celebrations due to our beliefs.

Of course, there may be situations where a manager would not know this, and I agree that asking why they do not participate is the right thing to do. At that time the JW should identify themselves as such and explain our beliefs.

I am not a JW and I do not care for my birthday to be celebrated at the office. I refuse to document my birthday for my colleagues; personnel (called HR by non-persons) knows my "vital statistics" and I see no need in duplicating them. I have not been punished nor questioned about my preference, but few people keep close enough track to notice in our small group that my birthday never gets a cake. I would rather celebrate my service anniversary at work anyhow.

My spouse and I are both EX-JWs. While most people will tell employers outright that they are not participating for religious reasons, (I fell into that category, viewing the telling as an opportunity to preach,) others would rather let people think they are unsocial.

My husband was of the latter persuasion. He found it very embarrassing to admit he was excluding himself or that he was a JW. He is by no means an exception. I know many JWs who will not tell anyone of their religious persuasion, instead preferring to be thought of poorly.

We have exited that organization now, and attended the office Christmas party two years in a row, much to the surprise of co-workers who assumed my husband "really was unfriendly and stand-offish."

The situation with the JW is much more complex than just "will he or won't he" participate in festivities. The religious edict to stay away from these activities contributes (for many) to feelings of isolation. It has far-reaching effects and consequences. While your HR department is thinking in terms of "respecting religion," it is reasonable to consider that if you are unsure of the employee's religious persuasion, the employee may be unsure of their religious conviction.

How to handle the situation, in my opinion? If you don't know for certain the employee is a JW, (more precisely, if that employee did not personally tell you so,) make sure they have an invite to the holiday party or event. Maybe don't buy a cake for his birthday, but a card left on the corner of the desk would be a nice gesture.

If the employee is a devout JW, you will certainly know, and it is their own responsibility to excuse themselves, not the employer's to curtail social activities. If the employee is a reluctant, or "secret" JW, they will appreciate the effort made by you "worldly" people to reach out to him. He may not respond well to your efforts, but know that those efforts have value.

Some employees are not necessarily "unfriendly and standoff-ish", but merely unskilled in social situations. Your very best programmer may be great working with a computer, and have learned how to work successfully with people within the rules of the work setting. But when it comes to a purely social event, such as a birthday party, he have may have learned that he will be uncomfortable at best, and at worst, say the wrong thing and cause a problem. Who can blame him from wanting to stick to business?

And if you look around the 'net for info about Asperger's Syndrome, you may recognize the traits in a few of your employees that you previously considered "unfriendly"! :)

regarding those that don't want to join in a celebration: I often refrain from such things because of the restaurant the honree has chosen or not wanting to spend the money to buy my lunch. As far as I am concerned anyone should be able to beg out of any activity that is not directly related to their job they wish without criticism or beng looked at as stand-offish. Besides, if someone is really stand-offish you will know it from many other clues than no participating in birthday parties.

And I agree with Mr. Brogden about celebrating your service anniversary rather than birthday. The way I see it all it takes to be another year older is not to die. While some jobs may have the same requirement for a service anniversary, most jobs have more than that and it is an achievement to stay employed AND advance your career.

I know of a lot of people, myself included, who don't really care for this kind of BS in the office. I get measured by and paid for the work I do, not socializing with my co-workers. These 'team building' efforts by management are a waste of time. True team building is accomplished by the workers doing a good job and getting recognized and rewarded for it.

And no, I'm not unfriendly or stand-offish, I have plently of friends, some work for the same company I do, although not currently on my 'team'. I just prefer to keep my personal and my professional life seperate. I get along fine with my fellow team members, do the normal chit-chat everyone does, just don't like it forced on me.

The problem is, nobody wants to appear as unfriendly or stand-offish, or not a 'team player', so they feel they have to go along with this nonsense. The truth is, a lot of people feel this way.

I know of many people who are not JW, but for one reason or another like birthdays, or want others to "make a big deal" out of theirs. Asking a person why they are not participating is the same as asking someone a very personal question.

In my opinion, the best way to handle the situation is to send out an email informing everyone of the event, or just go around the office and make sure everyone knows that it is going on, and then let those who choose to participate participate, and let who choose not to participate not participate. This way, everyone has the opportunity, but those that do not wish to participate are not pressured into participating, nor do they have to explain to someone why they do not want to participate and are not asked to "defend" their position.

Asking a person why s/he is not participating in a non-business activity at work could come across the wrong way. Instead of demonstrating your sensitivity, it could seem like coercion to participate in what is supposed to be an optional activity.

Birthday celebrations can be nice, but I don't think that they should ever originate at a management/supervisory level.

I worked at a company where people brought in doughnuts/bagels/etc on their own birthdays. It seemed a little odd at first, but I grew to think it a great idea. People could choose to celebrate or not, for whatever reason, and could control how much they spend, which can be another uncomfortable issue for peoeple.

I am a JW and, like any human being, I hate to go against the crowd. I appreciate my fellow workers and respect their choices, even if sometimes they cling to “religious edicts� or family traditions. Then again, as far as I can tell, most people celebrate birthdays and religious holidays for the same reason.

Please send the invitations and best wishes. Bring the cake, sing the song and be happy! Just leave us room to sneak away, or say “Thanks, but no thanks.� Since some non-JW’s, for whatever reason, would rather pass, it would be a good idea to give advanced warning before executing the big SURPRISE!

I agree with John Shelton. I really believe that more people don't care for these types of "team socials", than they are willing to admit. Where I work, our team consists of over 30 people and whenever it is someone's birthday, the coordinator will take it upon themselves to go around and hit everyone up for cash (usually $2-$4 per person, depending on how many people participate) to pay for the expense of the cake, drinks etc... This is such an invasion to say the least! Especially if you truly do not have the extra cash to shell out every month. You don't want to appear "cheap" in front of your co-workers, so it's almost as if you are forced! I say, don't celebrate my B-day and I'll do the same for you. A simple "Happy Birthday" wish will do fine. We are here to work. Besides, I would much rather spend that time with my family. I just don't think anyone should feel obligated in participaing- JW or not. BTW, I am not a JW.

Of course some of this also has to do with the level of "party". I was dinged several times on performance reviews for not attending after hours parties. These were usually booze fests and being a nondrinker (which twice got me a seond ding on the same reviews) I ended up with nothing to do until the end of the party when I was designated the designated driver and spent several hours getting people home. I also got dinged for not attending one party which was given for two people in the office who were married and having a baby together, unfortunately they were not married to each other. So there are a lot of reasons not to attend office and after office parties, and I wonder if people should be asking questions about these in the first place.

There are a variety of challenging situations in every office, particularly in multicultural Canada. I think it's great that we are learning to be more open to diversity.

A former colleague of mine was a Reformed Mennonite. They aren't as conservative as the Amish but their dress is plain by general standards---he was an anomaly in hi-tech. Since avoiding pride and vanity was very important to him, he preferred that we not take his picture. It taught everyone to respect divergent views.

When I came on board he already had the staff primed. A Witness of Jehovah not celebrating birthdays seemed quite tame!

My president is a German Evangelical Christian, the other manager was a Reformed Mennonite, my head Linux tech is a Chinese atheist raised under the communist system. I'm an Italian-Ukrainian Jehovah's Witness. This company encourages a culture that allows everyone to be who they really are and not hide it. Anything less would be a bore!

As usual, out of respect for what I understand to be Christ's preference, I chose not to join the Christmas festivities this year. But that didn't dampen the spirits of my staff. After all, now there was someone to answer the phone back at the office! The glass can always be half full if you want it to be.

Understanding and anticipating every possible view is impossible. Assigning dignity and respect to all IS possible and that will more than make up for any little blunders of etiquette along the way.

A million people wished me a Merry Christmas this past season. That isn't my thing. They didn't know. But I appreciated their kindness and a desire to share their joy. And I thanked every one of them for it. They were just trying to be nice the best way they knew how. The effort to be nice easily makes up for not magically knowing my unique view of the holiday.---John D

A heads up on the Jehovah's Witnesses. Jehovah's Witnesses are a classic high demand destructive cult.Jonestown without the kool-aid.

The Watchtower Corporation is a media publishing, real estate development, and convention sponsoring company and their literature all promotes the corporation and those goals.

I have Jehovah's Witnesses family in Naples Florida who practice the Watchtower JW enforced ritual shunning that i have not seen or heard from in 15 years. Yes,you can 'check out anytime you want but you can never leave' they can and will hold your family hostage.

I am not the only one,the 'fraud in the name of God' Jehovah's Witnesses have defrauded MILLIONS of followers. When the Watchtower corporate racket is held accountable for their misdeeds they scream religious 'persecution'.
To even vocally question the teachings of the Jehovah's Witness organization will result in complete cutting off, with family and friends usually being forbidden to talk to them.

The Watchtower is a truly ORWELLIAN world, in a time when Orwellian societies are nearly obsolete. There are tens of thousands of pages up from disgruntled ex-Jehovah's Witnesses all over the world in many languages.

Buyer Beware! Are they knocking at your door?
-------- Danny Haszard www.dannyhaszard.com expert witness on the Jehovah's Witness

To: Bob
re: Danny's post above

Wow, Bob. 24 hours is all it took for this thread to degenerate into attacking a person's belief system. Not your fault of course, but disappointing nonetheless, yes? I'm sure you thought your audience was above this kind of bile.

I posted the first response, which I feel was constructive. Since I don't respond to trolls, this will also be my last post on this thread.

Thanks for your insights Bob! Keep them coming! :)

As a manager who has been threatened with action for releasing private and confidential information, a birthday, I think that these celebrations are both unneccesary and unwanted by a far larger group of staff than management thinks.
In my case I apologized to the staff member and started having monthly "thank you" parties for my staff without references to birthdays, etc.
Staff seem to appreciate the recognition and since the parties usually just involved donuts and coffee they didn't set me back a lot.
And btw, I don't like the birthday parties either.
They seem phony and a waste of time.
I do appreciate my work and the work of my collegues being recognized in a more informal gathering though..

(1) I'm not thrilled with the prospect of office based 'celebrations' of someone's birthday. Those celebrations held during the work day are a bother at best (don't they always seem to interrupt something that you need to get done now?) Affter hours? I'd rather be on my way home, thanks.

(2) Taking collections for gifts is irritating. One feels obliged to contribute for some meaningless momento, and an oversized grocery store sheet cake made with Crisco frosting, I would never choose to eat.

(3) Rather than foster "comraderie", the practice of office celebrations for co-workers' birthdays often looks like an opportunity to hold popularity contests and and a climate in which the formation of cliques thrives.

(4) After hours? Please! I may be employed by you, but I work for THEM. Eight to ten hours of honest work are what I'm obliged to give you. If you want to see me after that--for any reason--you should be aware you're competing with some VIPs who just happen to to call me "Momma".

5) If you want to foster company loyalty, then it DOES seem that acknowledging employees professional accomplishments, or announcing some good thing the company has done for it's workers would be a more effective way of reaching that partiuclar goal than celebrating someone's being one year closer to retirement.

(6) As for the Jehovah's Witness issue your legal counsel should be able to site cases where they filed lawsuits over birthday celebrations at their places of employment. (One I recall involved a Jehovah's Witness waitress who had recently accepted employment at a chain of restaurants known for having it's entire serving staff sing a birthday song for customers celebrating in their establishments. When the company reminded her this was a requirement of her job, she filed suit and won something like $50,000 settlement.) Tread lightly! Jehovah's Witnesses and the Watch Tower Bible & Tract Society that serves as their "governing body" have a reputation for keeping the courts busy.

It has been my personal observation as a Jehovah's Witness for nine years that there are two kinds of Jehovah's Witnesses: (1) Those who want to make their
beliefs known to the entire world and will stop at nothing to do it because they are taught that they have The Truth, and (2) those who were drafted in as children, i.e., they are ashamed of who they are, don't want to be involved in the religion but don't know how to get out (peer pressure from family and other JWs is a powerful force). I suspect this person could be the latter. The best thing you can do is let him know you aren't trying to judge him but want to inquire as to why he doesn't celebrate with the rest of the group. Perhaps your understanding and compassion will be the catalyst to help him confide in you and learn to see you as someone who truly cares about him as a person, regardless of his belief system.

Brenda Lee
Author, "Out of the Cocoon: A Young Woman's Courageous Flight from the Grip of a Religious Cult"
www.outofthecocoon.net

You ever notice that so-called "anti-cult" people are such normal, friendly people. :>)

They always seem to be 100 times worse then the people they are railing against.

Danny, your web-site, your personality, your "ax-murderer" looks, are scary.

I find it some what humerous at the external pushing of accountability that goes on these days! I am a Jehovah Witnesses and have been my whole life minus a short diversion I took in my teens; of which I regret enormously. Somehow people are becoming hyper sensitive to simple inquiries about beliefs etc. I just started at a new company during the christmas time. People often characterize me as a joker, and when informed that I am a witness they show some surprise. Mostly due to my lack of "preaching" to them. My answer? This is a place of work, so work. If anyone wants to explore it further, hey we have a lunch hour we can use, or go for a coffee after the work day. So what happens when the invite goes out for christmas get togethers? I decline. The result? I'm approached by most of the team and asked why. I tell them my belief in 60 seconds or less, tell em to have a great time, and next time we have a get together, like a "mile stone" achievement, I'll be the first one to fire up the bbq, or load the team in the van to head off for lunch! Personal accountability is what I call. To many people fear sharing who they are or what they know, to many people fear asking. I don't believe this to be a Jehovah Witness issue, I believe it to be an issue of personal accountability & character!

One more thought: imagine people hold voluntary prayers at your work and one day your manager comes up to you and "quietly" asks you why you're not participating.

I have to agree with CeeCee, John, and Karen. The whole Bday celebration gig at the work place is a farce! Get real folks, business is business and partying is for the after hours with whom ever you choose to party with.

Don't try to force Jehovah's Witnesses or any other person to celebrate a holiday. Problem solved. If a person doesn't want to celebrate there are a thousand who will.

Don't mind Danny Haszard, he has some serious issues and his #1 goal in life is to attack Jehovah's Witnesses.

I have to agree with what most people have said in this blog till now. Bd celebrations are really a farce. They definitely don't act as employee morale boosters. Instead they can actually act otherwise. Also work and party don't go hand in hand. And about the cliche, work hard party harder .... yes party harder at your home with your friends. Not with office collegues.

The whole idea of an office being a family is not right. Office is jst a place where your work to earn a living and that's it. If you really want to boost an employee's morale, recognize his work and award him with Vitamin M (Money). Vitamin M is the real morale booster, not a phoney bday celebration. Bdays are for kids..and people who support Bday celebrations in the office are real bigots..Grow Up People

I can hardly imaging singing a Bday song with an adult throat not even knowing how to address the bday guy. Excuse me, but I don't think asking employees to make a fool of themselves is a very good idea for employee motivation.

Birthday parties have absolutely nothing to do with work. If your fellow employees are keeping track of your birth date, they are probably breaching some sort of condidentiality rule. Why do adults feel compelled to do this? Don't they have people at home who care about them? Why do people who keep posting here imply that if someone doesn't want to celebrate their birthday in the office that they are not "necessarily" anti-social-----what in the world does that have to do with it??? I am the most gregarious person I know, especially at work, however, I do not feel the need to take a half hour out of the work day for people who haven't even known me for five years celebrate my birthday. And then of course, the poor sucker who actually has to either bake my cake or buy it. . .
It should all be done away with. Keep personal celebrations at home!

so how would someone react to this situation;

My sister in law was upset that her employees found out it was her birthday. (big deal) They didn't make a celevration just told her mom to wish her a simple happy birthday. And she made a big deal out of it. So mean while We invited them over to our place for supper and had a hours notice that they did decide to come over. And says that it's not a social gathering. Its not neccessary for them to wish her happy birthday. Out of 365 days in a year an employess goes out of the way to remeber or at least ask when her birthday was. I figured would be common courtesey to wish someone happy birthday if they remebered it. So any ways we had supper here ( her brothers place went alright but there was some tension. What would you say to her she dosnt want to celebrate her birthday (26) , or for her employees to know when it is. They asked so your not going to be rude or nice and not say it's none of your bussiness or dont need to know right?