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August 06, 2006 | Comments: (0)
Handling an unpredictable personality
Dear Bob ...
I'm the CIO in a mid-sized company - small enough that we should be focused and agile; more than big enough that our executives should know how to behave professionally.
Emphasis on should. Another executive - a peer of mine on the organizational chart - is mercurial (I think that's the right word). His moods are unpredictable. One day he wants to be my best buddy, the next he explodes over trivial matters, and in very public settings. It isn't just me either - he's the same way with his direct reports, the employees in his division, and anyone else in the company.
Except the CEO, needless to say. With the CEO he's nothing but charming.
I don't know that I'm looking for advice as much as commentary. I'm already pretty sure I know how I should handle this guy - by ignoring him to the extent that I'm able, by acting professionally when we interact, and by blowing him off when he loses his temper, walking away until he's calmed down and we can have a productive conversation.
Anything else occur to you?
- Living among mood disorders
Dear Living ...
It's tempting to play junior shrink and diagnose a classic case of bipolar disorder. It's tempting, except that I don't think that's what's going on here.
A long time ago, Carlos Casteneda described "warriors." Among their character traits is unpredictability. The idea is that if nobody can predict what you're going to do next, you keep them off-balance and they'll be less likely to defeat you in battle.
I doubt this character was literate enough to read any Casteneda, but he probably didn't have to. Many corporate executives achieved their status through a single core competency - the ability to get their way. Most would be astonished if either of us was to suggest that this isn't the only goal that matters, in fact.
My guess is that your buddy discovered, long ago in his formative years, that being unpredictable is a terrific way to get whatever you want. Most people, most of the time, are uncomfortable around anger and will take steps to placate whoever is expressing it, so long as they have a reasonable expectation that the steps they take will be effective.
When your buddy gets angry, they placate him. The next day he's their best buddy. It worked!
It's behavior modification at its finest.
So long as you continue working in the nut-house, it sounds to me like you have the right strategy. If you feel a bit of game playing, you might want to add one more tactic to the ones you listed: Whenever you interact with him, regardless of how he's behaving at the moment, scowl at him in distaste. Don't be obvious enough for him to raise it as an issue - be subtle.
But be noticeable. Relent only when he does something to try to please you, and then only briefly.
Sure, it's a bit unsavory. But if anyone deserves it, this guy does.
- Bob
Posted by Bob Lewis on August 6, 2006 04:06 PM
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From my personal (not professional) experience with the mentally ill, I have a quick and dirty test for mental illness. (Insert multiple disclaimers here: I am not a doctor, this is a broad generalization, your mileage may vary, this cannot be used to diagnose, and so on.)
If the person in question continues with questionable behavior even when doing so will cause that person harm, the cause may be mental illness.
In other words, if a person behaves in a way that suggests bipolar disorder, and behaves that way toward everyone, including the boss, that person may be mentally ill.
If that person behaves that way toward everyone but the boss, that person is probably manipulating others.
The mentally ill cannot choose to be ill only when it is convenient for them. Like all illnesses, it's going to happen when it's going to happen, and if that means they lose their job, or worse, it is still outside of their control.
I had a similar coworker many years ago. I had no idea whether or not I'd be dealing with 'good Bill' or 'bad Bill' from one day to the next. It turned out that he was an alcoholic. The good news is that he sought treatment before his problem got totally out of hand. He told me he was the only one in his detox program who had not already lost either a wife, a job, a house, or a combination of those.
Posted by: Anonymous at August 7, 2006 08:20 AMThat's Castaneda. By the way, I've been reading you for years and haven't stopped learning new insights yet. Pulling out your ideas with my peers and chiefs makes me look smart (almost as smart as when I keep my mouth shut.) All the best, Raoul Castaneda
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Three books. Three ways to change the world, your life, or at least Bob Lewis' bank account. Leading IT: The Toughest Job in the World distills the world of IT leadership into eight learnable skills and gives you concrete, practical techniques for each one of them. Bare Bones Project Management: What you can't not do makes project management manageable, even for first-time project managers with no formal training in the discipline. ManagementSpeak: What managers say/What they mean … well, it won't help your career, and won't make you a better manager. Mostly, it will make you chuckle, guffaw, and maybe even chortle. Make friends - it's the perfect gift for anyone who has ever suffered through one of those meetings. Order your copies today! |
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