Information Technology is a second career for me, my first having been in Sales and Finance (enough said on THAT subject...). My formal schooling was not in a technical discipline, but in Liberal Arts (and no, I don't want fries with that...)

Regarding the second section of your reply: Too many of todays IT practitioners, despite continuing information and opinion to the contrary, focus too narrowly on the technical aspect(s) of their job(s). If a "Liberal Arts" style language arts or composition course, or a critical thinking course were to be added to the core technical curriculum, or if "techs" (to use a generic term) were to, as you suggest, read Strunk & White, many (many!) such instances of frustration could and would be avoided.

Just my $0.02......

As nice as your response was, you should run for a political office...

Agitated's boss actually makes Agitated THINK?

The horror...

No wonder Agitated is agitated.

WHAT PART OV...

If the Agitated never do what you're suggesting already, fine. But I think it's not the case.

I certaily agree with the comments regarding communication skills. I am a muscian-turned-software engineer- turned college professor. My liberal-arts background has been a major asset in all three professions. The junior college where I teach requires that all students in a technical curriculum take 6 hours of English (Composition and Technical/Business Writing). While my students often complain about this requirement, I always stress that techs will end up working in the "real world" and that such skills are survival ones.

Maybe I missed it. Perhaps I wasn't reading closely enough. Could be that I'm just too literal... but...

What was the actual question, in this mess?

Assuming that this is a sincere (albeit poorly-composed) plea for help negotiating a stressful employment situation:

It would be interesting to know how long Agitated has been in the position, what training s/he has received, whether any documented, formal review of Agitated's performance has ever been conducted, and what the results of the review were. Clearly, if a review shows that Agitated has achieved (at least) satisfactory performance, then using that as a basis for a dialogue about the stressful comments is in order. Likewise, if the review demonstrates that Agitated's performance is subpar, then the manager's comments can be viewed in a completely different context -- and Agitated needs to understand both that the comments have merit, and that s/he needs to achieve a higher level of performance.

In either case, Agitated's manager's MANAGER'S feedback ("...take her comments with a grain of salt...") is at least SOMEWHAT inappropriate. Someone who is a few rungs up the management ladder should know better -- and should have made the suggestions that Mr. Lewis offered. Better yet, s/he should have initiated this sort of dialogue (between Agitated and the lower-level manager), in hopes of achieving the goal of a more efficient and more well-managed operation. Better yet, s/he should have recommended that both Agitated and the manager get some badly-needed communication counseling or training.

Interestingly, there is no mention anywhere (by Agitated or by Mr. Lewis) of intervention with the HR department (assuming the organization HAS an HR department). I realize that HR's alliance is primarily with the Company, not with individual employees, but this IS an area where they are typically of value to both.

That neither of these outcomes occurred is indicative of a poorly-managed structure, probably throughout the organization. My forecast is that Agitated will unlikely to be able to reduce the stress levels that s/he is experiencing, regardless of what actions s/he takes, and will either quit in frustration, or be terminated for lackluster, inadequate performance.

Of course, that's assuming that this IS a sincere appeal for help, and not just a troll to see if s/he can get a few column-inches... Even if it was, Mr. Lewis has addressed what is unfortunately an all-too-frequently-occurring situation (which I suspect was his motivation in answering the 'question' in the first place, ignoring the possible insincerity of the author -- kudos for assuming the best about your readers!).

It's sounds as if Agitated's manager is bullying her. It would also appear from the comment made by the manager's superior that the problem has been recognized by upper management. Agitated should look into how to handle bullies.

If I had an employee with as poor language skills as Agitated's, I wouldn't bother to try to talk to her. I would just get rid of her. At least the boss is trying.

Excellent advice.

I wish I had always had such wisdom readily available.

While I gave up counter-attacks when I was quite young, the instinct to defend against or flee from vicious attacks or false accusations is very strong. But even a calm reasoned defense, can and often will lead to escalation. I've found even non-defensive active listening can lead to escalation when power relationships exist.

An attacker is usually trying to meet some emotional or physical need with the attack and your defense ends up being seen as a direct challenge to that objective. It does seem that such a situation can be more productively managed with some useful and reasonable redirection and conciliation. Deflection and defusing is generally less work, safer, and more productive than fleeing, blocking or insulating.

Of course sometime defense is in your best interest. But, reflecting back, I can see it frequently is not, and opportunities for better outcomes often exist.

I sometimes have to be the calm, composed, mature one in interactions with managers; just as I need to do with other adults. It is definitely tricky deflecting the emotional needs of a raging superior.

Of course when any relationship becomes too wacky, or too dangerous, for too long, the best course may be to end it. But, even in these situations I find I benefit from communication strategies that optimize my long term interests.

The advice given here does just that.

I have some understanding of being demeanored while at work. My boss, the CEO of the hospital, likes to play games with his employees. He will put them in a position so that he can use them to get something done for him and then he pulls you out of that high position and puts you in a smaller one and then after that nags at you, intimidates you, threatens you until you quit as he is through with you and don't need you anymore. It blows my mind on some of the stuff that he does. I was covering for his Assistant one day, I am the Medical Staff Credentialer, and it was the final day, Friday, and I forgot to take his mail down and he came into my office and started chit chatting about his assistant and if I thought after having all this time off if she was coming back, if she missed us, etc. Then, out of the blue he says "I am so disappointed in you, I am very, very disappointed in you. You forgot to take my mail down and therefore it didn't get taken to the mailbox and I had to run to the post office to make sure it went through. By the way, he goes to the post office at least three times a day even when I am not covering which makes me think that his assistant forgets all the time. Anyway, I apologized to him and he said Well, you are going to have to do better than that, a lot better than that. He wrote me up for mispelling Michael on a phone note and says that I broke the computer in my office. I didn't as it was so old that the button just got stuck and wouldn't come out. It would have happened to anyone who was going to use that computer. Any little thing he thinks he can get me on he will make a big deal of it. A lot of the times is when everyone in the office is gone so no one hears him. His assistant supports him 100%, although all of us employees feel she has her .....so far up his .....she is stuck there. His assistant was put in the basement when the last CEO was there as he didn't like her and she never followed through on her work, (she still doesn't). But, whenever she messes up it is okay. I had to correct the fact that she forgot to set up a meeting the CEO wanted. He came to my door and said Can you make sure that this certain meeting got done. Now you know that, his assistant, was very busy trying to get out of here and she had so much going on that she could have innocently forgotten. He was sticking up for her. His last CCO quit two months ago because he teated her like crap and she had a three hour evaluation with nothing good to say about her at all. She is the one that got the hospital through all the inspections, wrote policies and procedures, did all his work. She said something wrong one day and he had it out for her eversince then. If he wants rid of you he is on youlike glue until you give up.

How can I stop the harrassing and let the hospital board know what is actually going on? He is just covering himself with the board. They asked him why the CCO quit and he said Gee, I don't know. Don't ask me, I don't know. He golfs with most of the docs and he has snowed them too. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE OPEN THEIR EYES AND SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS HOSPITAL. WHAT CAN I DO? I NEED SOME ADVICE AND HELP