What?!? Santa Claus isn't real?

-disappointed 43 year old

Telling kids Santa Claus is real makes you a liar. "Vile" is a judgement call. I'd use "despicable" myself.

Some good clarifications here. "Full disclosure of the unvarnished honest opinion" is really not required to be truthful. For example, when terminating an employee, simply stating that the performance of the employee was unsatisfactory is truthful, and neither does it ruin a person's reputation. "Kindness" and "Professionalism" are good qualities, but really, why do we have to make everybody feel good? Isn't it possible to say "s/he was let go" and refuse to answer further questions?

As for Santa Claus, "good" parenting is much harder to define than a "lie." Just because millions of parents have deceived their kids about Santa, the large number of liars does not justify correctness. All "good" parents make mistakes.

There are two ethical paradigms here: right vs. wrong and good (helpful) vs. bad (harmful). It might be wrong to tell a lie, by some abstract code of morality, but it may well be a better thing to do. Telling your nine-year-old novice she sounds great is a better thing to do than telling her she sounds terrible. The nice thing about thinking in terms of good vs. bad rather than right vs. wrong is that you can then think of even better alternatives, such as "Wow, I'm impressed! You're really proud of learning how to play that, aren't you?" No lie, lots of encouragement.

These examples of lying to children about Santa Claus or their musical performance being acceptable starts every child, who eventually matures into an adult, down the path you advocate Bob: that lying under some circumstances is OK, and the appropriate circumstances are based upon their judgement. This teaches folks there are no absolutes in the world, and everything is a judgment call. Imagine if the logic you advocate made it's way to obeying traffic lights. The light might be red, but in someone's judgment at any particular point in time there is not enough traffic to stop. Someone else notices the person who ignored the light got by OK, so they begin making judgment calls about red lights. So it goes until society degrades to the point of no return. There must be absolutes or chaos will rule.

How naive are you people? Seriously, this is a fairly interesting philosophical debate, but if you can’t figure this out, maybe you do believe in Santa. You are lied to all the time and if you say you never lie, you just lost your argument.

Can we move on?

For me, it goes back to two ideas. First, the world is NOT black and white. While black and white exist, there is a lot of gray in between, and that's where this issue lies.

Second, treat people how you would like to be treated. In today's culture, much of your identity is tied to what you 'do for a living.' Your child goes to the company daycare. Your dry cleaning is handled by the company store. Many of your friends are left behind. A little kindness and compassion as you are being shown the door (typically a traumatic experience) is not a bad thing.

Interesting, given the announcement about the circumstances around the departure of Microsoft's CIO.

Absolutism is a philosophy with very little real world application. Assuming that because the light is Green it is always proper to proceed is potentially suicidal if there is a truck rolling down the cross street with broken brakes, potentially homicidal if someone has fallen down in front of your vehicle. Of course if Inertia and the legal system could be convinced to conform to absolutist principles we might be on to something.

In the mean time, I will continue to use my ability to reason, including deciding when a polite lie or deliberate omission does less harm than the bald truth.

One of the toughest things to do in business analysis is to ferret out commingled attributes, in this case honesty, and diplomacy. Honesty is different than diplomacy.

If you believe it is ethical to not hurt someone, then honesty can be an issue (you're fat, your ugly). Also, lying can be just as bad ( you are not fat, you are not ugly ). Diplomacy exists to minimize the pain in these situations.

Some diplomatic solutions are better than others. Running a red light is not a good diplomatic solution. You could kill someone that way.

It's a sad statement of our culture when we think it's okay to tell lies. In Bob's example, there are other ways to let the kid know that you think their performance is wonderful, even though to an outside observer it needs a lot of work, without lying about it. And parents that tell kids there is a Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and etc. are not doing themselves or the kids any favors. The kid will realize that you have lied to them and they won't trust anything you say. Unfortunately, that's the case in most homes, nobody can trust anyone else in the family. I'd much rather have the truth told to me than be lied to, unfortunately, there's not many people left that hold that same conviction. Most are of the ilk that think it's okay to lie, and therefore there are very few that can be trusted. I can't think of one instance when lying is necessary and that goes for all the examples given.

I don't like kids, but on occasion someone will proudly show me a baby picture and expect me to gush with them. To me, that baby picture looks like every other baby picture I've seen. Saying that to the parent would not be productive.

Neither will I shriek with delight. That would be a lie, and I'm a terrible liar. I say something vague, like "Wow, look at those eyes!" As long as the child has eyes, that's a safe comment to make. The new parent will hear what they want to hear, and I haven't been forced to make up a lie.

What's wrong with "Fred will not be working here anymore"? Who needs to know that Fred wasn't meeting expectations?

The key, of course, is also saying "Susan won't be working here anymore" when Susan is moving on to bigger and better things, and you'd like to brag about her.

My wife solved the Santa thing when our kids were small by using a line from Dr Lee Salk - Santa Claus is our best pretend friend.
This doesn't scramble the truth, merely tells the truth in an (as yet) un-understandable way.
Don't know how to apply this to the work environment,or other adult disclosures,but for the kids, no problem.

Who says that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, etc. doesn't exist? They all exist either as legends, saints, story characters, etc. or even in more real terms. You can honestly tell your kids they exist. If your kids believe in Santa Claus and get presents from Santa Claus on Christmas morning, how can you say Santa Claus doesn't exist? The really hard question to answer is who is Santa Claus? I always say, I don't really know but that's part of the fun of it.
I think it is always better to be upfront with people. If it is a private matter, I say something generic and mention that I don't feel it is appropriate to discuss any details.

Ethics require a balancing of ethical priorities. For some of these commenters, truth obviously weighs much more than compassion. Thank God I don't work for them if they actually work that way, morale in their shops must be terrible.

Any married man will tell you that there are situations in a relationship where the absolute truth is the wrong thing to say, if you love your wife. The classic example is "How does this look?" (or even worse, "Does this make me look fat?").

For the vast majority of us, the appropriate response is never the absolute truth ("Yes, dear, it makes you look like a sack of badly packed footballs.") but a gentler "That doesn't really quite work, try this."

When terminating a person for failure to perform, giving them the option to leave under their own steam, and to say that they're leaving for better opportunities isn't untrue. It is a dignified truth (or for the more cynical, an engineered truth).

The fact is that they person IS leaving for better opportunities, because leaving under your own steam is a far better opportunity than being tossed out on your ear.

A friend of mine, Bob, interviewing for a director position at a large company, was asked this question during one of the interviews: “Is it ever OK to lie?” Bob responded without hesitation, “of course!”

The interviewer could not hide his surprise and dismay. He “could not believe” what he just heard.

Bob explained with this example: “I am standing on the street and a woman, clearly in fear for her life, goes running by. A minute later, a person wielding a knife runs up, and asks me which direction the woman just went. Guess what, I am going to lie, and feel really good about it.”