June 30, 2008 | Comments: (0)
It feels strange writing this. Starting today, I won't have Bill Gates to kick around anymore. (Or, given that he still plans to visit the Redmond campus once a week, I'll only have 20 percent of him to kick around.) Of all the tech targets I've pummeled over the years, the world's third richest man easily commands the pole position.
There's certainly been no shortage of tributes and memorials, some snarkier than others. PC World's Dan Tynan captured Gates' 10 most memorable moments, including some he'd like to forget. Josh Quitner's professional obit for Gates in Time magazine is titled "PC Genius, Internet Fool." (Oh, snap!) In India, where Gates is apparently better liked -- possibly due to employing half of Bangalore in one of Microsoft's many offshore operations -- his farewell is titled "A Jolly Good Fella!". (Sir Bill, jolly? That's a new one.) Infoworld's own Galen Gruman takes a more sober look at what the Post-Gates Microsoft might look like.
It's true that Gates doesn't matter the way he used to, just like Microsoft doesn't matter the way it used to, though like an aging great white shark it still can still deliver a nasty bite. As we move more into the mobile always-on world and away from static desktops it will matter less and less.
(Personally, I think the worst thing that ever happened to Microsoft was having an appeals court nullify the order to split the company in two back in 2001. Really, Microsoft should be 4 or 5 companies -- separate entities for the OS, applications, Web, mobile, and enterprise. I think we'd start to see actual innovation coming out of Redmond again, instead of the stuff you get out of a can. Wake me when that happens.)
But it's not just Gates. Aside from The Mad Ballmer it seems all my old targets have gone to ground. You hardly hear a peep out of Larry Ellison these days, though Oracle's appetite for acquisition hasn't waned. Darl McBride seems to have crawled back under a rock, with only SCO's delusions of patent grandeur to keep him warm. Steve Jobs is hanging tough, of course, but did you see how scrawny he looked at the last keynote? It seems almost unfair to pick on him in his wizened state. And isn't Carly Fiorina on The View with Whoopi Goldberg and that ditzy blonde chick?
So what are we left with? Plucky Zucky, the Google Twins, Yahoo's Jerry Yang (who is so boring I can't even make a joke about him), and a lot of Web 2.0-wannabees. Unspeakably dull, the lot of them. So I've got to say I'm going to miss Sir Bill. With all his bluster, bloviation, and blindness, he was a more than worthy adversary.
Got an opinion on the dearly departed but not yet dead Microsoft scion? Post them below or email me direct: cringe (at) infoworld (dot) com. Top tipsters qualify for cool swag.
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Posted by Robert X. Cringely on June 30, 2008 08:09 AM
April 02, 2008 | Comments: (0)
Well, that didn't take long.
My career at Microsoft lasted exactly two hours and 42 minutes.
I didn't mind the blood tests, urine samples, health exams, brain scans, IQ measurements, prostrate pokes, polygraphs, body cavity searches, or even the Vista Loyalty Oath they made me sign. But when they wanted to plant a chip inside my brain that would deliver an electronic pulse whenever I used a non-Microsoft operating system, I realized I was really just an ink- and html-stained wretch at heart.
More than anything, though, it was the massive outpouring of support from Cringesters that brought me back from the dark side. After I announced my retirement I received literally hundreds scores dozens several more than two emails begging me to stay on. That was enough for me.
So I talked to my perspicacious yet prickly editor, and we agreed on a new compensation plan. (Though not before he redesigned my blog and pulled all the comments in a fit of pique. They're back now.) I'll get a bonus every time I can persuade a Cringester to sign up for one of IFW's many fascinating webinars, listen to a podcast, take the News Quiz, or put up with those annoying page-peeling Web ads. (So get busy, people.) Also, all the dog food Apache or I can eat, in perpetuity. It seemed like a reasonable compromise.
Oh yeah: Happy April Fools Day, plus one.
I must say Infoworld really went all out for AFD. You'd think these people didn't have enough regular work. I particularly liked Google's buying the United States government (though only for $4 billion, or about what falls out of Sergey's pockets when he does laundry). And, of course, the slime mold in the image of Steve Jobs.
Then again, April Fools Day is the unofficial Net holiday. Even the normally stodgy-as-your-dead-uncle PC World got into the act with its SaveDOS special feature (hmm, I wonder where they got that idea).
Google did its annual joke, announcing Virgle, the joint plan between Virgin Enterprises and Google to establish a human settlement on Mars. There was a time they could actually fool people with this stuff. Still, you have to admire the lengths Google will go to for a joke. There were videos from Larry, Sergey, and Richard Branson; a lengthy application questionnaire; and reams of FAQs, press releases, and other assorted doctoids. Google's marcom geeks must be like Santa's elves, toiling all year for the big day.
NASA posted a photo of "Dextre the Magnificent," its new Space Station robot that has apparently has developed an ego to match the size of its articulating arms. CNET posted a pretty convincing report claiming that Mark Zuckerberg will be hosting Saturday Night Live (suckering several blogs into carrying it as straight news). Meanwhile, The Register (where every day is April Fools) is carrying stories on Jimmy Wales' resignation from Wikipedia, Comcast buying BitTorrent, and Bill Gates as the illegimate mad scientist father of Mark Zuckerberg. That last one I almost believe.
As the leader of the free world once said, "Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me ... you can't get fooled again."
Yes, I'm back. Thanks for all the kind words about my alleged departure. Post your comments below or email me here. And remember, there's still plenty of swag left in the Cringe coffers for Cringesters whose submissions make it into the blog.
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on April 2, 2008 03:00 AM
April 01, 2008 | Comments: (0)
So long and thanks for all the dish
It's kind of a bittersweet day here in Cringeville. The end of a long wild ride and, hopefully, the start of something better.
Though it pains me enormously to say it, this is my last blog post for InfoWorld. Notes From the Field may continue in some form, but it will have to do it without Le Cringe.
Ever since InfoWorld moved to a pay-per-comment model for its bloggers, I've been struggling to come up with enough scratch to keep me and Apache in dog food -- and I mean that literally. I tried focusing on controversial topics-- evolution, terrorism, Scientology, Windows Vista -- anything to stir the pot and goose the readers. But ultimately it wasn't enough.
Originally I'd hoped to stay on past June 30, the day Bill Gates steps down [video] from his day-to-day responsibilities at Microsoft to become a roadie for U2. I thought it would be a symbolic victory. But the rent is due tomorrow, I ain't got it, and Apache is staring at my leg with a disconcerting "I could eat that" look.
I know what you're thinking: what happened to all the money? The homes on both coasts, the fleet of Italian racing bikes, those wacky home-built planes? Like the old country song says, I spent most of my cash on whiskey, wine, and women, and the rest I just wasted. Bad investments took care of whatever was left over. (Note to self: no more racing dog stables. Those bitches have let me down for the last time.)
Fact is, even if I could afford to keep going, blogging is really a young man's game. So when the offer came in, I took it. I admit, it was hard at first to accept. They want me to act as a liaison to the online community -- kind of a goodwill ambassador to tech bloggers. The hours are great, the pay is quite frankly astonishing, and they've promised to let me remain snarky... between the hours of 7 and 7:30 am and again between 8:30 and 9 pm. One hour a day for me, 23 hours for them. Hey, it could be worse.
As always, I welcome your comments, though it may take a few days for my new work email address to kick in: rxcringely (at) microsoft (dot) com. Good luck and god bless.
What do you think Cringely's legacy will be? Post your thoughts below or send them to Cringe while his Infoworld email still works -- cringe (at) infoworld (dot) com.
Think you've got the right stuff to pass our tech quizzes? They're not as easy as they look:
• The InfoWorld News Quiz
• Test Your Geek IQ
• Test Your Network Security IQ
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on April 1, 2008 11:00 AM
