December 19, 2007 | Comments: (0)

Cringe sings songs of high-tech cheer

TAGS: Holly Jolly

Editors note: Cringely has taken the rest of the week off (frankly, we haven't seen him since the office party two nights ago), so we hired old Tin Pan Alley songmeister Skip McJingle to reinvigorate some holiday classics with high tech themes. Feel free to sing along.

Vista Wonderland (sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

Laptop's on... is it frozen?
No that's just Windows loading
Your workday has stalled
Your PC now crawls
Working in a Vista Wonderland

iPod fails, needs new software
Microsoft -- why should they care?
You'll soon grow quite sick
Of confirming each click
Working in a Vista Wonderland

When there's trouble you'll call their support crew
And provide a credit card or two
You'll reach a technician named Narasu
And he'll help you to endlessly reboot

Later on, when you downgrade
Old XP will seem so great
And you will regret
The time that you spent
Working in a Vista Wonderland

The NSA is Comin' to Tap
(sung to the tune of "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town")

You better not surf
You better not chat
Watch your IMs
I'm tellin' you that
The NSA is comin' to tap

They're makin' a list
And checking it twice
They'll know when you give
al Queda advice
The NSA is comin' to tap

They'll read all of your email
They'll know just what you say
They'll pack you on a plane and ship you
Straight to Guantanamo Bay

AT&T, Verizon and Qwest
MCI, Sprint, and all of the rest
The NSA is comin' to tap

The Cringemass Song
(sung to the tune of "The Christmas Song")

Ballmer's throwing furniture again
Google does just what they please
Facebook wants to throw sheep at your friends
Before Yahoo turns them in to the Chinese

Everbody knows, Bit Torrent and encryption may
Help make Comcast's network blue
The RIAA and the MPAA
Will find there's no one left to sue

We know that Jobs is on his way
He's bringing lots of iPhone goodies on his sleigh
And to the Apple blogs each Mac fanboy will cling
To see if he'll stop and say, “Just one more thing...”

And so I'm offering this simple phrase
To geeks from one to 92
Thanks for reading this blog every day
Merry Christmas to you

Got more holiday cheer? Share it here or email it to Cringe. He'll get it eventually, we hope.

Posted by Robert X. Cringely on December 19, 2007 07:14 AM