- Yahoo's struggle for independence
- Windows XP: Dead or just resting?
- The end of Microhooglemania?
- Geek Week: Microsoft's XP spin, Yahoo says 'come on in!'
- Save the whales, save XP
- Geek Week: Google Wireless, Vista SP1, and other thought crimes
- The Next Bill Gates
- Geek Week: Julius Baer emerges from cave, Microsoft executives rave
- What's worse, MicroHoo or YaGoogle?
- Happy birthday Vista?
July 03, 2008 | Comments: (0)
Yahoo's struggle for independence
On this 4th of July weekend, let us celebrate the independence of Yahoo -- for however long it lasts. Because just when you thought Microsoft's bid for the Yahooligans was really truly deeply ultimately finally over, it really isn't. At least, according to the Wall Street Journal, which published a report on Wednesday titled Microsoft Seeks Partners for a New Run at Yahoo.
What's most interesting about that story isn't that Microsoft is yet again thrusting at Yahoo's windmills, with either Time Warner or News Corp. as Sancho Panza; it's the almost surreal descriptions of the negotiations that have taken place so far. Like this, for example:
With both companies concerned about leaks, Microsoft took pains to ensure that the meeting remained a secret. It instructed Mr. Yang and his coterie of advisers to drive to the back of the building, where a woman holding a closed red umbrella would be waiting for them at the loading dock.
Or this:
The two sides met at the airport, in a conference room overlooking the runway. The Yahoo camp was encouraged that Mr. Ballmer had donned a polo shirt in purple, Yahoo's color. For several hours, the men discussed Microsoft's proposal to acquire Yahoo's search assets.
Secret meetings at airports and golf courses. Codes sent via a red umbrella and a purple polo shirt. Who knew the Microsoft-Yahoo soap opera was really a dime-store spy novel in disguise?
The underlying theme of the story: Despite all public appearances to the contrary, Yahoo very much wanted to be acquired by Microsoft, even dropping its asking price to $33 a share -- and that it was Ballmer who spurned them, not the other way around.
Such a painstakingly detailed report could only come from someone very high up the food chain in one of the two companies, and it almost certainly has to be Microsoft.
Why? Because the Wall Street Journal is Microsoft's designated leak recipient of choice. Nearly every major story involving Microsoft over the last few years has been broken by the Journal. And that's how MSFT wants it. They get to control the spin.
Reason 2: Yahoo's Jerry Yang and Roy Bostock come off looking like oafish amateurs, at first ignoring Microsoft's advances and then desperately hiking up their skirts for Redmond.
Once the meeting had broken up, [Yahoo director] Burkle told Messrs. Bostock and Yang that they had done everything they could to woo Mr. Ballmer. "We took all of our clothes off," he joked.
Hmm, in whose interests would it be to spin that story, with Yahoo's annual shareholder meeting coming up and Carl Icahn breathing down their necks? I see the fingerprints of Ballmer, the master of FUD, all over this one.
Stay tuned, as they say, for further developments.
Got hot tips or more dirt on Steve "the spy who shoved me" Ballmer? Post them below or e-mail me here - cringe (at) infoworld (dot) com. And have a happy 4th.
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on July 3, 2008 09:08 AM
July 02, 2008 | Comments: (0)
Windows XP: Dead or just resting?
It turns out the reports of XP's death may be slightly exaggerated.
Sure, the obits have been posted and the requiems are being sung. The fat lady has already packed up her girdle and gone home with a bucket of KFC. Yet it seems XP -- like Bill Gates -- is still alive and kicking, at least in some form.
One day after XP's "demise", Dell SMB manager Jenni Doane posts a blog entry that details how you can still get XP by exploiting some of the loopholes left open by Microsoft. (Essentially, you can buy a Vista license but ask Dell to downgrade the system to XP, which they will continue to support. The catch? You have to buy it through Dell's Small Business sales operation, and you can only get XP Pro.)
You know the PC biz has gotten weird when offering a 7-year-old OS becomes a marketing advantage. But the reason why is obvious. Vista is such a dog it qualifies for the Iditarod. Even Intel won't let it in the door, lest it chew on the furniture and soil the carpets.
In a BuzzDash poll posted by my erstwhile colleague Jeff Bertolucci, 72 percent of respondents wanted Microsoft to "revive" XP, which is presumably encased in a glass coffin not dissimilar to Stalin's in the Kremlin. And of course, more than 210,000 InfoWorlders signed the Save XP petition, hoping Microsoft would grant clemency at the 11th hour. Instead, companies like Dell must come to the rescue. How humiliating is that?
My feeling about the sudden surge in nostalgia for XP is that it's really more a) a reaction to the Big Headache (or at best, the Big Nothing) of Vista, and b) revisionist history. When Windows XP came out, it was panned for being slow and incompatible, just as Vista has been (in InfoWorld, no less). It was also woefully, almost laughably insecure. Imagine shipping an OS with the firewall turned off by default. Yet that was XP in 2001.
It wasn't until Aug. 6, 2004, that XP began to grow up. That was the day Microsoft finally released Service Pack 2 for XP, which closed a bunch of gaping security holes in the OS (including turning the firewall on by default). From that point on, XP was a viable OS, though it was still far from airtight. It also signaled that Microsoft finally "got it" when it comes to Net security. We've seen a real turnaround in how it responds to and handles security breaches and patches ever since (from horrible to adequate, at least). And now, of course, Vista has (some) security built in.
But if this whole XP/Vista struggle means anything, I think it proves that Microsoft's approach to operating systems is fundamentally wrong. We don't need a brand-new-from-the-ground-up OS every three (four, five, six) years. We need incremental releases on a regular schedule, with fewer whizzy interface "improvements" and more bug fixes and performance boosts. In other words, more like a Linux distro. But I'll be selling snow cones in Hell -- or maybe Ballmer will be -- before we'll see that coming from Redmond.
XP or Vista? Original recipe or extra crispy? Cast your vote below or e-mail me here: cringe (at) infoworld (dot) com. You can also take the BuzzDash poll; I'll post the results in a future blog entry.
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on July 2, 2008 03:00 AM
June 13, 2008 | Comments: (0)
It's over, finito, kaput. The fat lady hasn't merely stopped singing, she's taken off her girdle and waddled home. There are now so many forks stuck into the Microsoft Yahoo deal that it looks like a cutlery display.
This time its really really really really really really really really over. Really.
Or maybe not.
I understand Carl Icahn was so upset at the news that he locked himself in his bedroom and pistol-whipped his Jerry Yang doll. ("You've been a very very naughty CEO and now you must resign your board seat.")
But as one disgruntled suitor walks out, in comes a new one looking spiffy in a bow tie and carrying a bouquet of pansies. Moving from a forced marriage to Microsoft to a 'friends with benefits' non-exclusive deal with Google is like going from shacking up with some hulking brute to dating your gay cousin. You may look stylish when you're out shopping together, but this marriage isn't going anywhere hot.
The grammatically challenged Michael Arrington of TechCrunch was also chewing on his pillow and sobbing about the horrible injustice done to him by Yang et al. To hear him tell it, Yahoo's decision has destroyed the company and the Internet itself:
Yahoo’s hatred of Microsoft runs so deep that they were actually, in the end, willing to destroy the future of their company just to keep it independent for a short while longer. They’ve ignored the wishes of their shareholders, employees and many now former key employees in killing that deal. And apart from Google, CEO Jerry Yang, President Sue Decker and possibly Tim O’Reilly, I don’t believe there is anyone in the world that is happy with what has happened.
Given that in Arrington's world everyone is a VC, that might seem true. But in the world where the rest of us live, most folks really didn't want Microsoft swallowing Yahoo and then coughing up the fur and bones, like an owl digesting a mouse. And once Microsoft gets their teeth into something, you know they won't stop chewing til it's gone.
What's the matter Michael, did you short Google's stock or something?
Problem is, this story really isn't over over. Yahoo still needs to elect a new board, so there's a proxy battle yet to fight. Microsoft is still third in Net search ads and slipping further behind, and Steve Ballmer would rather floss with barbed wire than lose at anything.
There's really only one way to settle this. Jerry Yang and Steve Ballmer wearing sumo wrestler suits, battling mano-a-mano. Last man standing gets to breathe Google's fumes as it rockets into space, leaving them all behind.
Is it really over? And is a Yahoogle better for consumers than a Microhoo? Post your thoughts below or email me direct: cringe (at) infoworld (dot) com. You can also take the BuzzDash poll here. I'll report on the results in a future blog post.
Think you've got the right stuff to pass our tech quizzes? They're not as easy as they look:
• The InfoWorld News Quiz
• Test Your Geek IQ
• Test Your Network Security IQ
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on June 13, 2008 07:37 AM
April 25, 2008 | Comments: (0)
Geek Week: Microsoft's XP spin, Yahoo says 'come on in!'
Great eXPectations? Microsoft has made a multi-billion-dollar business out of spreading fear, uncertainty, and doubt, but lately it seems to be sharing the FUD about its own products. Take the burning question of when XP will shuffle off this mortal coil. June 30 is still the official date, but every time the Mad Ballmer opens his mouth it sounds like he's backtracking. "If customer feedback varies we can always wake up smarter, but right now, we have a plan for end-of-life for new XP shipments," he said earlier this week in Belgium. Microsoft hastily issued a statement saying essentially 'never mind, nothing has changed, that was just Steve (and you know how he gets when he's had a few Stellas).'
Meanwhile, a reader has forwarded an email from a Microsoft Customer Service Rep which reads in part, "there is no space for any worry regarding Microsoft stopping the sale for Windows XP only till 30ht [sic] of June 2008. If you have received such a mail or heard such rumors, you can classify it as a hoax." He then points the Cringester to a support lifecycle Web page last updated in May 2005. Waking up smarter would be a good idea. Or just waking up at all.
Open her up, boys. Ever willing to hike up its skirt for anyone who will save it from Microsoft's clutches, Yahoo has announced plans to open up its Web platform to third party developers -- essentially pulling a Full Zuckerberg. Can the Yahooers manage a Facebook-like renaissance as a social media site before sinking into the pit of Redmond despair? I think that's slightly less likely than Microsoft suddenly waking up smarter.
Sharks with friggin' laser beams. In a case that has "major motion picture" written all over it, Rupert Murdoch's News Corp is being sued for allegedly hiring hackers to sabotage Murdoch's satellite TV rivals. A News Corp subsidiary is accused of hiring black hats to crack the encryption on cable cards for the Dish Network and distribute counterfeit cards for free, enabling people to pirate the competition's pay TV service. Kim Zetter at Wired News has the full scoop on the civil suit, which includes Bulgarian hackers, Israeli spooks, and mysterious suicides. Hey, I'm sure Murdoch just did it because he hadn't completed work on his solar death ray, scheduled to come online later this year. First target: The New York Times.
Got hot tips or plans for world domination? Post them below or email me direct: cringe (at) infoworld (dot) com. The most nefarious plans may qualify for cool Cringe swag.
Think you've got the right stuff to pass our tech quizzes? They're not as easy as they look:
• The InfoWorld News Quiz
• Test Your Geek IQ
• Test Your Network Security IQ
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on April 25, 2008 06:12 AM
April 21, 2008 | Comments: (0)
The international movement to save endangered operating systems (aka Windows XP) has gained supporters in unlikely quarters. Cringester J. C. reports:
Just got a call from my Dell rep: Dell will provide XP on business class computers (Latitude and Optiplex) through 2011 at no extra cost. The media kit for Vista will be supplied to those who want it. Vostro gets the same deal at a $50.00 premium. Note: this carries beyond the release date for Windows 7, allowing a reasonable time to see what that is like.
Even The Mad Ballmer is backing off his Use Vista or Die stance. According to The Register, the chair-flingin' CEO had this to say to the Redmond faithful at Microsoft's Most Valuable Professionals event last week in Seattle:
"We have a lot of customers that are choosing to stay with Windows XP, and as long as those are both important options, we will be sensitive, and we will listen, and we will hear that.....I got a piece of mail from a customer the other day that talked about not being able to get XP anymore, and we responded: XP is still available. And I know we're going to continue to get feedback from people on how long XP should be available. We've got some opinions on that."
It is instructive to remember, however, that when XP arrived at the PC party it was greeted like a turd in the punchbowl. Infoworld's review of XP published on October 26, 2001, had this to say:
HOPELESS OPTIMISM must be a fundamental part of human nature, because we want to believe that new operating systems truly represent an improvement on their predecessors. It's easy to point to certain features in a new OS as examples of progress, but end-users often find that a new OS performs like molasses compared to the version they were using.....Unfortunately, Microsoft's Windows XP appears to be maintaining that tradition ...Our tests of the multitasking capabilities of Windows XP and Windows 2000 demonstrated that under the same heavy load on identical hardware, Windows 2000 significantly outperformed Windows XP. In the most extreme scenario, our Windows XP system took nearly twice as long to complete a workload as did the Windows 2000 client.
The review doesn't touch on XP's brain-dead approach to security, which didn't even start to go away until Service Pack 2 was released in August 2004 -- nearly three years after XP debuted.
So is all this Visa hand-wringing for nought? Maybe in three years we'll be singing its praises. (Wait, did a pig just fly by my window?) But what's really dull-witted is the sudden longing for Windows 7, as if next time around, Microsoft will somehow finally -- finally! -- get it right.
Hopeless optimism indeed.
Got hot tips or flying pigs? Land them below (hopefully the comments feature is now fixed) or email them to me direct -- cringe (at) infworld (dot) com. Swank swag awaits top tipsters.
Think you've got the right stuff to pass our tech quizzes? They're not as easy as they look:
• The InfoWorld News Quiz
• Test Your Geek IQ
• Test Your Network Security IQ
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on April 21, 2008 09:26 AM
March 21, 2008 | Comments: (0)
Geek Week: Google Wireless, Vista SP1, and other thought crimes
Click a link, go to jail. From Declan McCullagh at CNet comes a story sure to chill the heart of any geek who's ever spent time trolling the Net's dark underbelly. Temple graduate student Roderick Vosburgh is looking at three to four years in prison for clicking on the wrong link. Vosburgh was visiting an adult message board and followed a hyperlink to a site that claimed to host images and videos of sub-18-year-olds cavorting in a hormonally induced fashion. Except that the link was posted by the FBI, and the site was a honeypot that did not serve up any naughty images but did collect his IP address. A few months later Vosburgh found himself face down on the ground in front of his house, wearing handcuffs. A jury recently convicted him of "attempting to download child pornography," a federal crime that carries a maximum sentence of 10 years. Not viewing kiddie porn, not possessing it, but attempting to. (Though they did also find him guilty of possessing two thumbnail images of naked kids, which could have gotten on his computer in any number of ways.)
Nobody can possibly condone kiddie porn, but this case suggests a scary precedent. If I created a site called www.underage-p***y.com where I posted pictures of kittens in provocative poses, you could be guilty of intending to do bad things based on what you thought might be there, not what actually is. At the very least, you could experience an unpleasant visit by the Feds, where they dragged you off and impounded your computers and every storage device in your house. Personally, I would like to see my tax dollars being spent chasing bigger fish than lonely grad students sitting at their PCs at night. Orwell wasn't wrong, his timing was just a little off.
Spectrum analysis. In cheerier news, it appears Google lost its bid in the FCC's wireless spectrum auction. Why is that cheery? Because the G-men succeeded in their quest to open up that swath of bandwidth to any devices that want to operate on it. It appears Verizon snagged most of that bandwidth via a cunning series of bids covering different regions of the country, and AT&T gobbled up most of what was left. Verizon will be forced by FCC rules to allow Android phones to use that 22-MHz segment. So Google gets what it wanted without the hassle of actually delivering wireless services -- no need for a G-Mobile after all. Unfortunately for the rest of us mere mortals, this means we're stuck with Ma Bell's bastard offspring for a while longer.
Don't ask, don't WinTel. First Microsoft twisted itself into a pretzel to accommodate Intel, labeling systems with its underpowered 915 graphics chipset as Vista Capable even though they really weren't, just so Intel could make its quarterly numbers. Now the Vista SP1 is choking on -- yes, you guessed it, drivers for embedded Intel graphics chips, only this time it's the more advanced 945G Express chipset. Microsoft has published a list of commonly used drivers that cause the service pack to roll over on its back and stick all six legs in the air. It's reassuring to know that, despite the breakneck pace of technology, some things never change.
Got hot tips or naughty links? Post the tips below but keep the links to yourself -- I don't want to get arrested. You can also email me here. As always, top tipsters qualify for cool swag.
Think you've got the right stuff to pass our tech quizzes? They're not as easy as they look:
• The InfoWorld News Quiz
• Test Your Geek IQ
• Test Your Network Security IQ
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on March 21, 2008 07:43 AM
March 12, 2008 | Comments: (0)
It seems impossible, but in a few short months we will no longer have William H. Gates III to kick around anymore. The God of Windows is stepping away from his day-to-day responsibilities in June to become a roadie for U2, or possibly a fluffer personal assistant to George Clooney, or perhaps Hillary Clinton's running mate/money-honey [video].
So many options when you're worth $58 billion.
Who will be the next Billy G? I don't mean who's going to run Microsoft, we know that already. (Though Microsoft would be a better, more nimble, more interesting company if Ballmer moved on. But that's a topic for another time.) I mean, who will become the next magnet for criticism in the tech industry? Who can fill Bill's Keds as the premier architect of fear uncertainty and doubt? Who else can provide that perfect mixture of arrogance and incompetence?
The Register's Ashlee Vance has a suggestion, and it's a good one: Mark Zuckerberg.
But now we have Zuckerberg who combines arrogance, robot-like anti-charisma, immense paper wealth, creepy software, youth, intelligence, casual attire, calculating behavior, a spoiled child background, charges that he stole ideas from acquaintances and a general ignorance about why any of this matters to anyone in just the right quantities.
The parallels are striking. Both are ex-Harvard boys who struck it rich by capitalizing on someone else's brainstorm. In Gates' case, it was creating a knockoff of CRM CPM and labeling it MS-DOS (and later building a Mac wannabee called Windows). For Zucky, it was HarvardConnect (now called ConnectU), a budding social network that hired him to do some programming back in 2003 and is now suing him for stealing their ideas.
At one time, Bill Gates was seen as a plucky upstart battling the Big (Bad) Blue Machine, just as Zuckerberg has garnered hero status among the Twitterati for taking on Rupert Murdoch's MySpace.
Both desperately need a stooge to make them look good. In Gates' case, he hires people like Jay Leno to make him seem more human. Zuckerberg gets people like journalist Sarah Lacy, who made herself the scourge of the blogosphere recently for her ditzy interview of Zuckerberg at South by SouthWest.
(Until this point, Lacy's greatest claim to fame has been that she dumped a glass of water on TechCrunch Michael Arrington's head when he wasn't on fire. Now she'll be forever known as Zuckerberg's Bete Noire.)
Both are prone to making grandiose statements unsupported by fact. Zuckerberg said that media changes every 100 years (and that Facebook users essentially don't give a whit about their privacy). And Gates, well, just pick anything he's said about Windows over the last 25 years.
And then there's the hair thing. Is that a perm? The list goes on.
So while Zucky is a good call, I'd like to open the floor to all you out there in Cringeville. I need somebody to kick around. Who do you nominate for the Gates crown?
Post your candidates below or email them to me direct. Top tipsters qualify for cool swag.
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on March 12, 2008 06:31 AM
February 29, 2008 | Comments: (0)
Geek Week: Julius Baer emerges from cave, Microsoft executives rave
Swiss missed. Bank Julius Baer, the Swiss institution now infamous for a) shutting down WikiLeaks.org, and b) offering a haven in the Cayman Islands for alleged tax evaders and money launderers, finally broke its silence yesterday.
The bank issued a press release that was a marvel of reality distortion. In four terse paragraphs Baer managed to deny any wrongdoing, assert its rights to victim status, portray itself as a defender of individual rights and freedom of speech, and say nothing about what it actually did do – (partially) take down a site built to protect human rights activists and corporate whistle blowers. WikiLeaks was quick to post its own rebuttal. The matter hits court today, at which time I'm sure we'll have a small tsunami of new headlines to chew on.
Bottom line: People use Cayman Islands banks to hide and/or cleanse their money. Stop the presses! If Julius Baer didn't do it, somebody else would. Frankly, who cares? Stomping all over a Web site that actually tries to do some good in the world, that I care about.
But WikiLeaks is hardly blameless. There's seems to be a lack of adult supervision over there. For example, It could have published those Baer documents with the names redacted. Just because somebody accused you of hiding money doesn't mean you give up your privacy. Issuing veiled threats to your own critics doesn't do much for your street cred either.
The follow up hearing is slated for today. The ACLU and the Electronic Frontier Foundation have jumped in. The mainstream media is even on the case. This one is far from over, folks.
When it says fibby fibby fibby on the label label label. At first, I thought the whole lawsuit over bogus "Vista capable" labeling didn't have legs. Sure, those labels were, shall we say, 'aspirational'? But anyone who's ever looked at the minimum requirements for Windows over the years knows better than to believe anything Microsoft says. Yet this suit has already produced a treasure trove of Cringe-worthy evidence -– including 150 pages of e-mails detailing how even Microsoft's executives themselves knew what a dog Vista was and were royally PO'd over it.
I'm having a hard time picking my favorite quotes from all the goodies:
"I cannot understand with a product this long in creation why there is such a shortage of drivers. I suppose the vendors did not trust us enough to use the beta for driver testing?" (Jon Shirley)"No [vendors] believed we would ever really ship so they didn't start work until late 2006..." (Steven Sinofsky)
"We are caving to Intel.... We are allowing Intel to drive our customer experience." (Mike Ybarra)
"In the end, we lowered the requirement to help Intel make their quarterly earnings so they could continue to sell motherboards with the 915 graphics embedded." (John Kalkman)
"I personally got burned by the Intel 915 issue on a laptop that I PERSONALLY (eg with my own $$$)....I now have a $2100 email machine." (Mike Nash)
"We really botched this.... you guys have to do a better job with our customers than what was shown here." (Jim Allchin)
It reads like a Greek tragedy. Lack of drivers, hardware incompatibilites, false requirements, and bending over forwards to please Intel – yep, that's Microsoft in a nutshell. Will somebody please shoot this company and put us all out of our misery?
Got hot tips or more incriminating e-mail? Post them below or send them to me direct. Top tipsters qualify for cool swag.
Think you've got the right stuff to pass our tech quizzes? They're not as easy as they look:
• The InfoWorld News Quiz
• Test Your Geek IQ
• Test Your Network Security IQ
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on February 29, 2008 06:34 AM
February 06, 2008 | Comments: (0)
What's worse, MicroHoo or YaGoogle?
So it seems Google may be trying to stave off the shotgun wedding between Microsoft and Yahoo, showing up at Yahoo's window with a ladder and a bus ticket.
Google itself can't make a competitive offer -- even our current "monopolies are good for capitalism" DoJ can't stand by idly for that. But G-man Eric Schmidt has been making noises about finding other suitors who'd be more, well, suitable to Yahoo, or offering a deal where Yahoo gets to eat a slice of Google's massive advertising pie. Or simply taking the fight to the Feds, as Microsoft tried to do when Google snarfled up DoubleClick last year.
I don't think anything Google does will sway regulators or Yahoo's investors, who can recognize a sinking ship when they see one. When you're going down for the third time, even a garbage scow looks like the Queen Mary.
Or maybe just the Titanic. I'm not alone in thinking MicroHoo is heading for an iceberg. Cringester (and well-known security wonk) R. S. opines:
Everyone seems to think that Microsoft should be going after the ad space. Why? They are a software company. They write massive code for PC's, phones, and game systems. They make pretty good money at it from what I can see. Why go after the ad space when Google is going after the OS and the software? MSFT should circle the wagons, figure out what is going on in the world and execute!
Or maybe just be executed. Cringe fan S. C. believes trying to integrate YHOO will cause Microsoft to implode.
This bid is the beginning of the end for Microsoft as we know it... Eventually, Microsoft will have to actually integrate its OS ideals with a UNIX type of makeover, and there will be ONE operating system in the near future that will run underneath everything.
A single open OS would be nice; but does it have to be one (or ONE) from Microsoft?
Meanwhile as this soap opera unfolds, MS is sending Vista Service Pack 1 to manufacturing. Consumers should see it some time in March. But don't break out the party hats and noisemakers just yet; apparently SP1 will still have problems working with older hardware due to driver issues. The question then becomes if we'll ever see a Service Pack 2 to fix the stuff SP1 missed.
Do you think Microsoft will be able to do anything -- let alone fix its broken OS -- while it's wrestling with Google over Yahoo? I don't. 2008 will prove to be a good time to be a Microsoft competitor, and an even worse than usual time to be a Microsoft customer.
Weddings, ships, explosions... Post your hot tips and mixed metaphors below or send them to me. Top metaphorologists will vie for cool swag.
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on February 6, 2008 05:43 AM
January 30, 2008 | Comments: (0)
It hardly seems possible, but it was one year ago today that Microsoft foisted Windows Vista onto a wary world. (OK -- OEMs and enterprises had Vista foisted on them in November 2006, but January was the "big launch" for most of us).
But instead of the "Wow Starts Now," Jan. 30, 2007 was more like the "When Started Then": When will drivers be available for legacy hardware? When will compatible software show up? When is Microsoft planning to release SP1 to fix all the things it got wrong? When will PC makers stop selling XP machines, and can I buy some now before it's too late?
Not surprisingly, Redmond is taking the occasion to mark Vista's success. For example, Microsoft gives itself high marks for Vista security. Of course, it's grading on a curve compared to XP's first year. "The highest quality, most secure Windows operating system ever" (per Sir Ballmer of Redmond) had only 30 major security flaws patched (with another 36 waiting to be fixed), or about half as many as XP did in its first year. That's a little like saying I may be fat, but that other guy is fatter, so that makes me thin. (Now pass the cream puffs.)
Over at the Seattle Post Intelligencer, Todd Bishop quotes Neil Charney, a Windows general manager spouting the usual Microsoft line:
We're really pleased at what we're seeing....We know that it's an ongoing effort to make sure that our customers are happy and satisfied and enjoying that experience.
What Charney probably meant was that users are enjoying an eXPerience. If Vista did anything in the last year, it was to boost XP's sagging reputation.
Microsoft reports that it sold 100 million Vista licenses in 2007, which means that roughly 4 out of 10 new machines shipped with Vista on them. By comparison, nearly 70 percent of PCs shipped with XP in its first year. According to NetApplications, about 11 percent of installed machines use Vista, compared to 75 percent running XP [PDF]. So far, some 70,000 Windows sufferers have signed InfoWorld's Save XP petition to keep support for the aging OS going after its scheduled June 30 pull date.
Microsoft has finally figured out what it takes to earn respect for one of its operating systems: release a new one that sucks harder than the last.
Perhaps the real birthday we should celebrate is Oct. 25, 2001 -- the date of XP's initial release.
By the time Windows 7 appears (in 2009, 2010, or 2011, depending on which source you believe), it's possible we may be offering a "Save Vista" petition. But at this point it seems rather doubtful.
Happy birthday, Vista. Try not to set yourself on fire as you blow out the candle.
What's your take on Vista, one year later? Post your sage opinions below or e-mail them to me direct. Top tipsters qualify for cool new swag.
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on January 30, 2008 05:34 AM
October 31, 2007 | Comments: (0)
Microsoft: Be afraid, be very afraid
Here's a scary thought: Microsoft can take over your computer wherever you are, and do whatever it wants to. On this Halloween day I can think of few things more frightening (except maybe a blind date with Larry Ellison).
Like Dracula or Freddy from Nightmare on Elm Street, Microsoft is a reliable boogieman who still has teeth (or a razor sharp fingernails). Last week the Redmond Re-animators still proved they still had the fright stuff, thanks to yet another snafu involving Windows Update.
In this episode, enterprises reported that Update automatically installed Windows Desktop Search 3.01 on systems that had been configured not to run the resource-hogging app. Microsoft's response? “Oops, sorry.” But this time they did actually apologize, which for Microsoft is like asking Nosferatu to drink V8 instead of O negative.
Meanwhile, Windows wonk Scott Dunn has come up with an explanation for the forced update that caused many users' systems to suffer an involuntary reboot earlier this month. The culprit? Not "absent minded users," as Microsoft contends, but Windows Live OneCare, which automatically changes your Update options to be, well, automatic.
Microsoft's response to that one? Users received (an extremely vague) notice about this when they installed OneCare, so tough. In the Live OneCare blog, an anonymous drone blithely notes that while you can't stop OneCare from installing critical updates, you can turn off the optional ones. Given that Microsoft can label anything it wants as "critical" – witness Windows Genuine Advantage -- this is cold comfort at best.
All of this would be moot if Microsoft were doing such a killer job of protecting our computers that we would gladly give up control over them and live happier, safer, more productive lives. But we all know that's a fantasy. In fact, the threats are worse than ever, and Microsoft seems to have no clue about how to handle them.
For example: The vulnerability that allows a malicious PDF file to turn your PC into a zombie. After three months of sloughing off the problem to third parties Microsoft is now scrambling to fix it. But the patch may not be released for another two weeks or more.
(All you smug Mac heads can stop smiling. German security researchers have discovered some gaping holes in Leopard's firewall.)
The ugly truth is that Microsoft is using security fears to force its enslaved base (that would be you and me) into installing stuff it wants us to have. Somebody needs to put a stake through its heart, before it kills again.
Is there anything scarier than Microsoft taking over your computer? Post your thoughts below or email them to me here. Top tipsters qualify for some frighteningly cool swag.
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Posted by Robert X. Cringely on October 31, 2007 07:23 AM
September 26, 2007 | Comments: (0)
Damage control, the Microsoft way
Stop me if you've heard this one: Microsoft has been secretly updating your computer, even when you tell it not to. This story first arose a couple of weeks ago, following a report by Scott Dunn in Windows Secrets. It seems Windows Update will update itself automatically, without warning and regardless of whether you've told the app to wait for you to download updates and/or install them. (As someone who's lost work more than once because Microsoft decided it absolutely had to reboot my computer at 3 am, I prefer to have my finger on the trigger.)
Microsoft's argument for the stealth upgrade is a textbook example of pretzel logic. If Windows Update didn't automatically update itself, then the app might break and you might never be able to receive any future updates. Of course, if Update was broken it couldn't update itself. And if it weren't broken, there'd be no reason not to tell users. Even that lame reasoning doesn't explain why information about the update is virtually impossible to find – not on screen and not in the Microsoft Knowledgebase.
(Pure speculation: I suspect there's more to this story than Microsoft is telling. Perhaps they are finally addressing vulnerabilities in Update that allow it to be hijacked by malware, and they wanted to keep this a secret from the bad guys for as long as they could. Or maybe they're just being d**ks.)
There's a distinct aroma of dead mackerel to the whole story. But Microsoft's reaction to the controversy was classic. A blog post by program manager Nate Clinton features both a non-explanation and a non-apology, including the following graph:
The point of this explanation is not to suggest that we were as transparent as we could have been; to the contrary, people have told us that we should have been clearer on how Windows Update behaves when it updates itself. This is helpful and important feedback, and we are now looking at the best way to clarify WU’s behavior to customers so that they can more clearly understand how WU works.
Translation: We didn't do anything wrong, we just didn't dumb this down enough so you pathetic whiners would understand it. We might be willing to do things differently next time, but we'll have to think about it. Now stop bothering us, we have more important things to do.
What this suggests is that for all its recent gesticulating about becoming more transparent and accountable, Microsoft is still Microsoft. Having attended a few Redmond Reprogramming Sessions (they call them “editor's days”), I can attest that this kind of reaction is beaten into Microsoft employees at a tender age, possibly via brain implants.
I've boiled the Microsoft Method down to seven simple rules.
1. Respond at great length using as many acronyms as possible to avoid having to answer any direct questions.
2. Never answer any direct questions.
3. When someone criticizes the company (for, say, hijacking their machine without permission) thank the critic for his feed back without actually acknowledging what he's criticizing you for.
4. Patiently explain, for the 99th time, that Microsoft knows what's best for you, even if you don't.
5. Identify the hostiles in the audience and assign two people – usually a product manager and a PR drone -- to 'help' them. This may involve close personal and Internet surveillance until the reporter stops writing negative things about the company (or dies mysteriously).
6. When a reporter asks you a question you've deemed so stupid it could only have been posed by a single-celled organism, answer it in highly technical terms and with thinnest veneer of civility – like stretching a Saran Wrap of politeness over an ocean of contempt. (Note: This rule applies only to Ballmer.)
7. When all else fails, bury them in Powerpoint slides until they beg for mercy.
Did I miss anything? Post your Microsoft rules below or email them to me here. Groovy new swag awaits the lucky few who get quoted in my blog.
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on September 26, 2007 11:21 AM
September 12, 2007 | Comments: (0)
Last week, Cringester J. J. decided to upgrade his Vista notebook from Home Premium (original recipe) to Ultimate (extra crispy). Being a savvy digital citizen, he decided to use Vista's Disk Cleanup tool to clean up any messy files before he did the deed. I'll let him take it from there:
I spotted two error reporting entries ["Per User Archived Error Reporting" and "Per User Queued Error Reporting"] and based on the description when selected decided it was safe to add them to the default cleanup list.I was browsing while eating my sandwich and noticed all but the default system icons disappear from my desktop, when I went to the Start menu (classic) I noticed several icons here were also missing as well as icons from the QuickLaunch toolbar. ...
I decided better safe than sorry, so I cancelled the Disk Cleanup. I right-clicked the desktop and asked for a 'Refresh', which did nothing. So I tried a Restart from the Start menu. Vista displayed an error that system files were missing. None of the Safe Modes helped, including Last Known Good Configuration. Vista suggested I needed to boot from its DVD and run repair.
I am happy to report that repair, followed by System Restore, did in fact make Windows bootable to my account, only my icons were still missing. Then I tried to launch Outlook 2007 and it acted as though it had just been installed, not yet activated with no account setup. I canceled and then found nearly all my user settings were gone and well as ALL my data files (documents, pictures, you name it).
J. J. was able restore most of his data using a recent backup. (I said he was a savvy digital citizen.) The real mystery comes from the fact that The Great God Google can only find two people complaining of this malady, which means it's either very rare or very new. (Or I'm making the wrong sacrificial offerings to the G-God.)
Mystery #2: Netflickers seeking instant gratification via Netflix' Watch Now movie downloads have been thwarted by Vista's DRM scheme, which pulls the velvet rope taut across Windows Media Player 11 and says “I'm sorry, but you're not on the guest list.”
WMP's bouncer demands you download a security upgrade, then flashes an error message – WMPError(C00D11D0) -- so obscure it can't be found in Microsoft's Knowledge Base. (That one's particularly weird, since Windows has been reporting that error code since at least 2004.) A host of Microsoft MVPs (including some unbelievably snotty ones) have been wrestling with this error code, but nobody's pinned it to the ground yet.
Have you encountered a Vista mystery that left you shaking your head in wonderment (or your fists in anger)? Let it all out below or share your feelings with me directly. If I use your comments in a future blog, I'll send some soothing swag your way.
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on September 12, 2007 06:15 AM
August 30, 2007 | Comments: (0)
Vista SP1: You oughta know beta
“At Microsoft, quality is job SP1.”
Cringester and book author John Hedtke came up with that little gem, as pithy as any real Microsoft slogan and far more accurate. We may finally have a chance to test it out, now that Microsoft has released the schedule for Vista's Service Pack 1.
(What does it say about a company when it takes six months for it to release the schedule of when it will release the beta of the fix to the operating system it took more than five years to build? More and more, new Microsoft operating systems resemble massive public works projects, with endless schedule setbacks, cost overruns, and diminished expectations. The Big Dig, Part Deux.)
Unlike the Vista beta program, which involved literally millions of guinea—err, volunteer testers, the SP1 beta distribution will be more limited. Even Microsoft Press author Ed Bott can't get his hands on one, though he has a thorough inventory of what's in it on his blog. The rest of us mere mortals will have to wait til some time in the new year.
And what exactly will be in it? Lots of bug fixes and performance tweaks, a few adjustments to its desktop search app to assuage Google, but no breathtaking new features.
Here's my favorite bit from the IDG news story about the release:
Vista SP1 will not break any applications already running on the OS. "Anything that works on Vista is going to keep on working on SP1," says David Zipkin, senior product manager for Microsoft.
Terrific. Now how about all the apps and drivers that don't work on Vista? There are thousands of businesses still buying machines with XP installed (or downgrading their Vista machines after purchase). That's what they're waiting for. And they're all going to have to wait a little longer -- sometime in Q1 2008, if Microsoft holds to this schedule. But I wouldn't beta on it.
Are you waiting for Vista SP1? Share your thoughts below or email them to me. Top tipsters will receive a schedule of when the new Cringe swag is coming.
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on August 30, 2007 05:07 AM
August 02, 2007 | Comments: (0)
It's been a good week for Microsoft and surveys. The Redmond reprobates own the most valuable technology brand in the world, according to a survey by Interbrand and Business Week magazine. The Windows wonks are second overall to Coca-Cola (I see a new slogan coming on: “Our software may suck, but it won't rot your teeth”).
In another survey conducted by the Computing Technology Industry Association (CompTIA), Internet Explorer was named as the most influential product of the past 25 years. (Strangely, Netscape Navigator, from whose loins IE was whelped, barely made the top ten.) In second place: MS Word (not XyWrite, WordStar, or WordPerfect). Windows 95 came in third, and fourth place was a tie between the Apple iPod and Microsoft Excel.
You get the impression these guys have been walking around handing out Rolex watches? That might influence me.
Even Ballmer has been rehabilitated. According to a story in The Register, a Microsoft employee has taken Ballmer's infamous monkey dance and mashed it up into an iPoddish commercial for the Zune. (You can watch it here.) It's a brilliant piece of work, but he apparently hosted it on an internal Microsoft server, which means he's probably enjoying some enhanced interrogation techniques in a server closet somewhere in the Northwest.
Got hot tips or cool observations? Share them with the world below or email them to me here. Top tipsters will be in line to snag some new and improved Cringely swag.
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on August 2, 2007 06:49 AM
July 25, 2007 | Comments: (0)
You think Windows Vista has been causing you fits? Consider the case of Cringester G. M. Back in March I reported on the problems he was having with his “Vista compatible” Dell 9200 and its Intel RAID array controller. Fortunately, this story has a happy ending, thanks to patient persistence on the part of both G. M. and Dell tech support.
The trouble began when G. M. upgraded his XP machine to Vista. At first, his PC would just randomly freeze for 30 seconds. But when he ran iTunes or any graphically intensive program, Windows went spiralling into the blue screen of death, then rebooted. When it came back, his RAID array was kaput. He wrote:
Pretty much doing anything with iTunes could trigger the failure and the destruction of the RAID array. The error would occur randomly with almost any program that started doing a lot of page swapping - but I was having particular problems with Corel Paint Shop Pro, Sony Vegas Movie Studio Platinum, and Sony DVD Architect.
I'll spare the ugly details about all the fixes G. M. tried that didn't work, or the time he spent on hold waiting for Dell support, or the chat sessions with techs whose only solution was to a) reinstall XP, or b) call Microsoft, or the many hours logged on the Dell Forums with other similarly afflicted owners of Dimension 9200s.
After I politely inquired on his behalf, Dell sent him a new Dimension 9200 last April. This one had the same problem, only worse. A few weeks went by with no word from Dell. Finally, after sussing out the problem on his original machine, Dell sent him some beta drivers and instructions on how to delete some troublesome keys from the Windows Registry. Eureka! G. M.'s RAID drives now work without any more BSODs.
This happened last May. Now, finally, I have a Dell-endorsed solution I can share with other Vista/RAID sufferers. Per Dell spokesmaven Anne Camden:
This issue appears to be solved with an updated driver: the Intel Matrix Storage Manager Driver (v7.5.0). Frankly the symptoms described by most customers - hard systems lockups for 15-30 seconds at random intervals - a general enough to be attributed to any number of causes. In this case, a combination of some excellent sleuth work by both the forum members and the Dell engineering team determined that the application of this driver solves the issue the majority of the time.
[UPDATE: Dell has since provided me direct access to the executable file containing the new drivers. You can download it here.]
Kudos to Dell and our intrepid Cringester for finding a fix. But what an incredible hassle the transition to Vista has been for some consumers. G. M., who when he isn't rasslin' with RAID arrays is CTO of a small software company, says there will be no Vista for his firm in the foreseeable future:
I installed Vista on my home machine to get enough experience with it to make better decisions about when / how to implement it for our 70 some programmers. Based on my experiences, and that of our regular tech support staff we're holding off, and still buying XP machines for now. Vista is pretty, but not ready for prime time in the business environment.
Imagine buying a new car and having to wait six months for a set of radials that are compatible, or getting a new car stereo and discovering it can't play CDs produced before 2006. Only in high tech can companies get away with this kind of crap.
Got high tech tales of woe? Lay 'em on me below or send me an email. Saddest stories qualify for the coolest swag.
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on July 25, 2007 03:00 AM
July 19, 2007 | Comments: (0)
And now we reluctantly leave our investigative series on hot one-on-one live chat and move to more mundane matters, namely Windows Vista. I've been getting a lot of posts and email about MS's craptacular new OS, both pro and con (but mostly con).
For example, J. D. reports that about two months ago Federal Express issued a one-line email to all employees saying it would absolutely positively not adopt Vista "until futher notice." Don't be be expecting next day service on that upgrade.
Cringester P. F., whose firm uses PCs for chemical analysis and 3D molecular modeling, would rather chew on a broken pipette than move to Vista:
I can't deal with stuff that "might" work. ...I'm not interested in wasting half my processing and rendering power to have semi-transparent menus. That's just retarded. I'm not ready to install 4 gigs of ram in machines to get the same performance I would get out of 1 gig if I'm using XP. I don't want to teach users yet another gui for both the OS and the office application. I simply cannot stand going to OOXML and lose all choice forever. Microsoft says they're "people ready." I'm still wondering if I'm Microsoft ready.
Reader M. M. lost everything on his Vista-ready Dell box and was forced to reformat. Now he's mulling the Vista upgrade with trepidation:
I now have the free Dell Windows Vista Business upgrade CD staring at me from within its pristine shrink-wrapped packaging. So far I'm winning the stare-down and I refuse to unwrap it, let alone actually install it. I swallow hard and try to ignore it. Yet I sense that it is lurking in the shadows...waiting, perhaps, to install itself at the first opportunity and cause me more undue stress and aggravation... just like it seems to be doing for the rest of the guinea pigs in this test lab we call Earth.
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on July 19, 2007 09:06 AM
July 11, 2007 | Comments: (0)
Up for adoption: Windows Vista
Well, it's been six months since the second biggest tech debut of the year, Windows Vista. (OK, five months and 12 days, for those of you who are counting). How's has it gone?
The good news: Security companies like Zone Alarm have, finally, shipped Vista compatible versions of their software. Hardware drivers are gradually rolling out.
Yet Microsoft still felt compelled to issue talking points that OEMs could use to convince customers not to wait for SP1 before taking the Vista plunge. And corporate customers have been clamoring for easier ways to downgrade from Vista to XP so loudly that Microsoft actually heard them and simplified the process (PDF file).
Cringester R. M. makes a compelling real-world case about the hassles small businesses must face before moving to Vista:
1. Software Apps: Start your Y2K search-and-destroy efforts again to ensure all of your software is 32-bit compliant at minimum, and Vista compliant on top of it. This means your accounting software, DTP/editing packages, and all of the other 5-years old+ packages you are currently running need (at minimum) LICENSE UPGRADES, and more than likely a good number are too old even for that. For anyone still using DOS-based packages, well, you better hope a savy tech can get them to work in a virtual machine, but be prepared to shell out the bucks either way. I have seen many a small place still using DOS-based ledgers instead of being held hostage to M$ or Intuit every year.
2. Hardware: If you are a good corporate customer and turn over/lease your PCs in 3-year cycles, you will probably have fully compatible systems in about 18 months, give or take the budget cycle. Anyone else in the small business realm can stare into the headlights when they get the quote to replace all those slower, but fast-enough-for-the-job-they-do-now systems. Many places went bargain PC when XP came out, or they had to retire Win 98 - the ones that didn't die after the first year, or get taken out by surges, are money in the bank now at 4 to 5 years later, and many do the job they need to do. But most won't make the bar for Vista. Many two-year-old PCs might not make it.
Take these two main arguments, and you have the conclusion made by the techs at my workplace, where we run our back-end systems on Linux and VMWare, the office systems on Windows (and Netware) and support all of these systems in the field, but primarily Windows-based desktop environments: Vista is at least 18 months away for most small to mid-sized businesses to consider upgrading across the board without breaking the bank, or the business.
I'm convinced. How about you?
Have you adopted Vista, or are you waiting until SP1 and/or hell freezes over? Post your answers below or email me here. Top tipsters will receive free Cringely swag, courtesy of my faithful InfoWorld minions.
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on July 11, 2007 03:00 AM
July 05, 2007 | Comments: (0)
It's a momentous day here on the planet that Microsoft lets us call earth. For the first time since 1994, Chairman William H. Gates III is no longer the richest biped on the planet.
In the race to see who can die with the most money, Gates has fallen behind Mexican mobile maven Carlos Slim, whose holdings in wireless company America Movil top out at $67 billion -- a solid $8 billion ahead of Sir Bill.
For someone as competitive as Gates, losing at anything hurts. But to fall behind someone who sounds like a character out of a Carl Hiaasen novel must be especially galling. (At least it wasn't Larry Ellison.)
But there is hope in Gatesville. When the Chinese version of Self magazine asked women in 15 Chinese cities whose baby they'd most like to have, Gates was (once again) number two.
(FYI, Hong Kong film star Andy Lau - China's Brad Pitt -- was the number one pick. Brad Pitt -- America's Andy Lau - landed at number ten.)
So it's simple. Say 200 million Chinese women pony up $60 a pop for a sample of Bill's essence. That's $12 billion right there -- enough to slip past Slim and still keep a $4 billion cushion. As an added bonus, we'll get an entire generation of nerdy Chinese-American entrepreneurs out of the deal.
Now that Gates is Number Two, will he try harder? Post your thoughts below or email them to me here. Top tipsters will snag a Cringe bag suitable for holding (some of) your billions.
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on July 5, 2007 07:55 AM
July 02, 2007 | Comments: (0)
They say if you have to explain a joke it probably wasn't very funny in the first place. So it goes with my effort to inspire a new slogan for Microsoft.
Some faithful readers wonder why I care about Microsoft's advertising campaigns. Short answer: I don't. My point was that Microsoft's tortured, clumsy and/or inscrutable taglines are an all-too-accurate reflection of its tortured, clumsy, and/or inscrutable software. I thought improving the slogans might have a beneficial effect on the software. (Color me whimsical.)
Nonetheless, the Cringe crew came through with dozens of great suggestions, both in responding to the original entry and in email. Though none are likely to steer MS in a new direction, they certainly nail where the company is today. Some of the best:
"We're Microsoft. Everything else is just patent infringement.""Microsoft: Never have so many produced so little so slowly."
"The clouds above, the mud below."
(I'm not sure what that means either, but I find it strangely soothing.)
My personal favorite?
"Live complex to the max. Microsoft. We make complex possible."
Kudos to reader D. H. for that last one. The man has a job waiting for him in Redmond's marketing department. (Thanks to readers B. D., H. C. and L. B. for the other gems, and to all the Cringe faithful who contributed.)
Does Microsoft deserve all the bashing it gets? Nominate other companies that deserve a good thrashing below, or email them to me here. Top tipsters will receive a simple Cringe bag for their troubles.
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on July 2, 2007 09:13 AM
June 27, 2007 | Comments: (0)
Is Microsoft ready for people?
“People-ready business.” That's Microsoft's latest slogan from hell, and it probably would have passed quietly into the dustbin of marketing history had it not been for a recent blowup in the blogosphere.
In an effort to inject this phrase into popular usage (and no doubt raise its Google page rank), Microsoft asked a passel of A List Bloggers* to excrete blurbs on what this meaningless phrase means to them. Michael Arrington, Om Malik, Fred Wilson, Richard MacManus and a handful of others happily agreed to churn out some mush for Microsoft, which it later used in banner ads.
But what it really meant to these guys was income. Redmond paid the bloggers for every user who clicked through to the PRB microsite. And that caused other bloggers, lead by Gawker chief Nick Denton, to rightfully question their ethics. A spitball war has been raging ever since.
I'm not going to get into all the issues (PC World's Harry McCracken provides a fine summary of them here). But a big part of the problem is that “people-ready business” is such a lame slogan. (The full version -- “Dynamic IT for the people-ready business” -- is even worse.) Simply using it in a sentence makes you sound like an idiot.
Not that this is anything out of the ordinary. Ever since “Where do you want to go today?” Microsoft has been extruding some of the most tortured taglines known to marketingkind. Remember "Your potential inspires us to create software that helps you reach it. Your potential, our passion"? Or “Welcome to the social”? Or “The WOW starts now”?
Why not simply say “Clueless corporate clones struggling desperately to look hip”? That would at least have the benefit of accuracy.
Maybe this is why they can't seem to do anything right. Maybe a good slogan would fix all of Microsoft's woes.
Of course, Microsoft isn't paying me squat, so I'll be damned before I fix their problems for free. But surely some Good Samaritan out there will take pity on the $44 billion behemoth and come up with something worth blogging about.
*Another phrase that should be flushed down the virtual oubliette.
If you had a slogan for Microsoft, what would it be? Submit your nominations below or email them to me here. Winning entries will receive a Cringe bag with its own nifty slogan attached.
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on June 27, 2007 09:25 AM
June 25, 2007 | Comments: (0)
Apple's redefining the cell phone and Google's tossing up $600 million data centers like they're Starbucks franchises, but up in Redmond, they're building a parking garage.
And people say Microsoft has forgotten how to innovate.
At four stories deep and four football fields long, Microsoft Live Parking 1.0 will be able to hold 5,000 cars, making it the “second largest underground lot in the western hemisphere” according to one hyperbolic report. If there's one thing Microsoft knows how to do, it's create really big holes.
According to disreputable sources, Microsoft employees will be able to choose from six different types of parking space, depending on the size of their car's engine and how much they're willing to pay. To ensure the lot is secure, Microserfs will be asked to confirm their choice to enter the lot, engage the parking brake, open the doors, and get out of their cars. Most pre-2008 models may be incompatible with the lot; however, the company will publish APIs (automobile parking interfaces) for retrofitting cars to meet the lot's requirements.
Google has already filed a complaint with the American Automobile Association, claiming the lot is incompatible with its new hybrid cars that return energy to the grid.
Soil removal is slated to be done by October, however sources say Microsoft is finding plenty of bugs in it, which may delay the lot's official launch until sometime in 2012.
Got hot tips on less silly topics? Share them below or email me here. Top tipsters may receive a bag for parking their personal papers.
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on June 25, 2007 03:00 AM
June 18, 2007 | Comments: (0)
Whom do you anti-trust, part deux
Last April, Microsoft urged “regulatory authorities” to investigate Google's $3.1 billion acquisition of DoubleClick, alleging that the deal harms competition. (Pot meet kettle, kettle this is pot.)
Google responded by issuing a 49-page complaint to the Department of Justice, claiming Microsoft is violating its 2001 anti-trust settlement because Vista won't play nice with Google Desktop Search and, oh by the way, have you noticed Microsoft's $6 billion acquisition of aQuantive?
Now it seems the FTC is looking into both deals, along with Yahoo's $680 million purchase of Right Media (though Yahoo hasn't urged anybody to do anything, except stop complaining about CEO Terry Semel's $71 million compensation package).
[OOPS: Make that former CEO Terry Semel. He's just been axed and replaced by Yahoo co-founder Jerry Yang.]
MS says the investigation is “routine,” nothing to see here, please move along. One reason Redmond may be so sanguine about anti-trust these days is that it's got a friend in the DOJ. According to the New York Times, Assistant Attorney General Thomas O. Barnett has sent letters to several state attorneys general, urging them to ignore Google's complaint. Barnett is a former partner in Covington and Burling, which represented Microsoft during its anti-trust battles with the Clinton justice department. You think maybe this helps explain the DOJ's sudden lack of interest in all things Microsoft over the last six years?
I don't see the feds blocking any of these deals or doing anything of substance in one direction or the other. I do foresee some state AGs taking action, but by the time they get around to doing something we'll be dealing with the next Microsoft OS (God help us).
As usual, we the people will have to fend for ourselves. And when the wheels of justice start rolling, the best advice is usually to get the heck out of the way.
Would you rather have Google or Microsoft control the Net? Cast your vote below or email me here. Top tipsters may receive a trustworthy Cringe bag for their troubles.
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on June 18, 2007 08:13 AM
June 04, 2007 | Comments: (0)
MS to OEMs: Get legit on Vista, or the OS is toast
Last week, Microsoft sent certified letters to its OEM partners regarding Vista's anti-piracy technology -- or, more accurately, what happens if they dare ship a system with a "non-genuine" copy of Vista. (Thanks to two Cringesters, both sporting the initials D.S., for supplying me with copies of the letter.)
The answer: The system is crippled for 30 days, then hosed entirely until you pony up for a license. This is apparently what Microsoft means when it warns of a "diminished user experience." (To me, that's what you get when Windows works normally.)
This would be fine if Microsoft were a reasonably competent organization and Windows Genuine Advantage worked flawlessly. True pirates deserve to be punished. But Microsoft isn't and WGA doesn't – at least, judging by the many letters I got from Cringesters who bought legit OEM copies of XP from major manufacturers, only to have WGA label them as pirates.
At press time, Microsoft's Vista validation forums contained about 600 similar complaints – including several from people whose validated systems suddenly failed the WGA test after installing third-party security software.
It gets worse. Microsoft offers OEMs a chance to “win a cool PC” by taking a quiz testing their knowledge of Windows Vista and WGA. But it doesn't exactly instill confidence when you type the URL into your browser and find out the page doesn't exist.
To be fair, I haven't heard a lot of whining about Vista's faulty WGA hosing people's systems. But that may be because Microsoft has been playing nice, trying to avoid more bad PR for its underwhelming new OS. The certified letter could be the first step in a get tough campaign. If so, we may be in for a long ugly summer.
Does partnering with Microsoft mean always having to say you're sorry? Post your comments below or write to me here. Top tipsters will receive a 100 percent genuine Cringe bag.
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on June 4, 2007 10:08 AM
May 23, 2007 | Comments: (0)
Be the first on your block to be sued by Microsoft
It's like the movie The 300, only instead of Spartan warriors and whizzy effects, we get open source geeks and wiki threads. At the Tipping Point wiki, more than 600 700 1000 ticked-off Linux Lovers have added their names to the "Sue Me First, Microsoft" list -- taunting the Redmond army to come down and crush them.
Redmond's response so far? A profound silence. (However, there is no truth to the rumor that the RIAA has asked to borrow the list, having run out of dead file swappers to sue.)
The SMFM list formed in response to Microsoft's bipolar unbalancing act last week, when it issued veiled threats about open source software allegedly violating 235 Microsoft patents, while at the same time attempting to push legislation that would weaken the very patent laws it's threatening to wield.
Some commentators have speculated this was all part of a fiendishly clever plan to get the open sorcerors to carry Microsoft's flag on the anti-patent legislation. Imagine Steve Ballmer as a Bond villain, wearing a monocle and stroking a white cat. (“Do you expect me to balk?“ “No, Mr. Torvalds, I expect you to comply!”)
I think that's giving Microsoft far too much credit. (Remember, these are the same people who came up with Clippy.) I think we're looking at a massive, sprawling organization that's not fully in control of all its parts.
And this means that, for the first time since DOS 2.0, Microsoft may have a real operating system fight on its hands. (Note to the Mac OS X faithful: Please stow your flame throwers in the overhead compartment.) Not that it's remotely likely Microsoft will pack up its Death Ray and go home, or even cease to dominate the desktop. But this is a golden opportunity to convert, say, 20 percent of PC users who are mad as hell but a) can choose their own OS, and b) want more than Apple can give them.
This also means it's time for the open sourcers to step up. Pull a Google. Make the stuff so brain-dead simple your grandmother could install it. Offer copious free support. Heck, instead of a 'Sue Me First' list, how about a 'Call Me First' list? “Got a problem installing Ubuntu? Operators are standing by.” That would be taking a real stand against the armies of darkness.
Should Redmond be running scared? Are Linux lovers all hat and no horse? Is it possible to squeeze any more metaphors into one blog entry? Post your response below or email me here. The tippiest readers may receive a bag for their troubles.
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on May 23, 2007 07:47 AM
May 16, 2007 | Comments: (0)
If you're wondering whether Microsoft has its boxers in a bunch over the open source software threat, this week's news left no doubt. In an interview with Fortune, MS Chief Counsel Brad Smith claimed open source apps like Linux and OpenOffice infringe on no less than 235 Microsoft patents. Steve Ballmer hinted darkly of legal action to follow, then laughed demonically.
It's the age-old formula: First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they threaten to have a colony of attorneys descend upon you from a great height. The Open Source Movement has truly arrived.
Unfortunately for the Redmond reprobates, there are few problems with this approach. For one thing, these claims are based in part on a report published last summer by author Dan Ravicher, director of the Public Patent Foundation. But Ravicher says they got it all wrong. The report listed 228 potential infringements on untested patents, not actual violations on patents that have withstood a court challenge.
[Note: The above link no longer works, but this one still does.]
Microsoft has yet to identify any infringing code, despite challenges from the Open Sorcerors to do so. And once Redmond puts its cards on the table, as Linus Torvalds notes, the open source community will simply code around it. (If I have to use Document*Start inside OpenOffice instead of File*Open, well, I think I can live with that.)
Finally, who exactly is Microsoft gonna sue? The only ones with deep pockets in this whole scheme are Microsoft's own enterprise accounts. That's one way to get close to your customers. Microsoft is apparently hoping the Fortune 1000 will get their tights in such a twist they'll pony up to Redmond just to cover their assets. If this tactic sounds vaguely familiar, well, that's because it's the same one SCO has been trying. Gee, I wonder how that's worked out for them?
This would be as good a time as any to lay claim to some patents of my own. For example, I hold a process patent on injecting gratuitous references to undergarments in a snarky tech blog. Try to copy me and I'll sue your panties off.
Got your knickers in a knot over Microsoft's patent shenanigans? Write to me here or post a comment below. Top tipsters will receive a bag for carrying their briefs (legal or otherwise).
Posted by Robert X. Cringely on May 16, 2007 07:46 AM
